Changing the dialogue on mental health and wellness

It’s not your average deck of cards. There are no kings or queens and the game involves as much talking as it does thinking. It can be played alone like solitaire, in pairs, as a family or with a team.

Conversation cards they are called — and there are thousands of these decks found in homes, on farms and ranches, in tractors and in offices, across Australia. The questions vary but they do not pry and it’s an easy way to get talking.

I am holding a card that asks: “What is the one thing you would tell your 18-year-old self?” Now that is an interesting question and through the answer there are sure to be some secrets shared and insights about the journey that bubble to the top. After all — we would all love to have a chat with our young self and maybe remind that human to show up, slow down or go see their mother.

Maybe the thoughts would be about patience, acceptance, confidence, contact or education. It may be regrets about not getting a guard for the auger or tightening that cinch before the injury or getting a ring for that gal that slipped away. Perhaps it’s the guilt of being a working mom that needs to be self-forgiven or the words of love that never left grandpa’s lips that still wish to be said.

Laugh, cry, lament or sigh — it’s all about the journey and something as simple as an ice breaker in the middle of tension might be all we need to smile for a while. Even better, we can feel good about what we got right from 18 years to this day!

Australia’s ifarmwell has a purpose of growing farmers’ wellbeing. They know stress is a personal thing and often private, so instead of talking to folks about mental health, they invented a way for farmers and ranchers to think about it themselves.

After all, there are some abiding principles: no one has authority to tell another how to run their outfit or their life. We can however, share in a conversation with questions that may linger long after the card is dealt and the coffee cup sits empty on the table.

“How would you like the next generation to remember you?” allows us to consider all the aspects of our life. Set in such a positive way, it gives acknowledgement to what has to happen to see that vision come true. It leads the person to consider what then has to change. And that, in itself, addresses layers of internal struggle that can now be artfully reconstructed.

Our continuance, our being here, is really important to those around us as our world is created to be relational. It is in relationships that we find our peace, inspiration and our joy. They don’t have to be complicated affairs, just authentic interactions between people. And surrounding ourselves with authentic people is important.

When someone who genuinely cares pulls the card that asks: “What keeps you up at night?” they are authentically interested in the answer. It might be a tough query, hard to admit — or embarrassing. But if it keeps us up at night, it already lives in the house — may as well ghostbust it with acknowledgement and face it square on and then work through it together. The alternative is simply more worry.

Worry is about as useful as the neighbours’ steer in the breeding paddock — without purpose, still eating away at the grass and elusive enough not to be caught. What worry does is seep into the program just enough to create a nuisance and cost us a little money. We are somewhat distracted, a little less productive and sometimes less loving. As it drains the resolve that we so carefully crafted—thoughts that are less welcome start to take hold. We, however, have the power to shift that dialogue.

Here’s a question that can alter our thoughts: “What are the three things you are most grateful for?” This dismisses worry in a hurry. There is no space for it in a positive mindset of gratitude. A dear friend often says that each day we wake up with two gifts — a chance and a choice. That speaks to us even on the days that dawn with great sadness. We still have abundance in that chance and that choice and for this we can be thankful.

Gratitude in itself is a way of living. It is seeded into the earth upon which we stand and worn like our favourite jeans. There is not a lot that can shake it but when that does happen, we have another card to yet play: “What do you like most about doing what you do?”

Gratitude in itself is a way of living. It is seeded into the earth upon which we stand and worn like our
favourite jeans.

Hopefully there is a long list to reflect upon, as this is our moment on the podium where we shine with pride. Of course there will be gaps, especially between working partners. For example, one partner may love ranching and all the aspects that go with it except for a few things — like sorting cattle with their spouse.

This presents an opportunity to talk about how to best communicate ahead of time and in the pen/field/office so there is a clear understanding of what is expected from both parties. You want your partner to sit down to dinner with someone they actually like at the end of the day and to enjoy the business wholly.

The beef industry is both publicly and internally seen as steeped in tradition and thought patterns are often, and wrongly, interpreted as if we shall ‘go it alone without complaint’.

There is no red ribbon for independence…

…and all new business models reflect a need for extensive communication, collaboration, and cooperation. So much emphasis is put on communication that constantly reinforcing the purpose or the “why we are here” is seen as the single most foundational piece in business success. Young employees really get this.

As one very successful farmer shared “It’s not me that makes this farm work.” It was everyone around him from his partner to his employees, to his community and his customers.

In the beef industry, we have a model to go by. Think of the typical branding which is a community or at least multi-family event. Grow from that model. Keep building relationships and ask for some help. Then hang out, go out, travel a bit, shop a lot, throw a ball or play cards! Just wondering: “When is the last time you laughed out loud?”

Talking about how we are doing and what it is we dream is not only okay, it can be fun and easy. It is just a matter of changing the dialogue.

In reality, we are all stressed and have wellness challenges. In these times the familiar can be welcome.

Tradition, especially family tradition, can be grounding and a welcome familiarity. Asking yourself and everyone around the table this question opens the gates to comfort and security: “What is the family tradition that you love and hope to continue?”

What a lovely way to defuse tension and shift the conversation to what really matters. We matter. Our family matters. What we collectively believe matters. Our values matter. Our traditions are honoured and respected. They can live in tandem with our personal growth.

Personal growth sometimes also means leaving some of the traditional business aspects behind so we can self-identify. Feeling stuck is no fun and it can lead to all kinds of mental and physical stress and can chip away at our confidence. It need not be that way. We have tools and resources around us and we are gifted with the power that will take us to higher levels of thought.

The most important thing we can do is to give ourselves permission to have the down time or the “head space” as we call it, to work through issues and allow for creative thought. Our farms and ranches, beef and related businesses and our roles within them are all unique.

In a meeting of ranchers and farmers from around the world we discussed this very topic. “I cannot progress without giving myself the head space to think” shared one guest. Not only do we require this but our partners, families and teams need to know and respect it for each other. Downtime, is the most productive time of all.

I am shuffling the ifarmwell cards one more time and this question pops up as if on cue: “What is something you have dreamt of doing for some time?”

I will leave you with that question and with the knowledge that we can change the dialogue when it comes to talking about wellness by asking positive and engaging questions. Questions that make us think about our overall health and the direction we are traveling. And questions, that make us smile and laugh out loud.

May your journey be blessed.

This was first published in Volume 5 Issue 4 of ABP Magazine (Winter 2025). Watch for more digital content from the magazine on ABP Daily.